groupon cat had me cracking up all morning.
i don’t know why i thought this was so funny, but the cat at the bottom of the groupon email today ($5 for $12 of mini donuts. yum! but i’ll pass.) said “your face is so smooth. did you shave with broccoli?” this made me chuckle and i was intrigued, so i clicked to read more. let me tell you… this cat’s a nut:
The Groupon Guide to Choosing Produce
There’s no worse feeling than when you buy what you assume is perfectly ripe produce only to discover it’s too hard or have it dissolve into a pile of ashes in your grocery bag. Here are some tips for filling your basket with ready-to-eat fruits and vegetables:
- Broccoli: Drag the vegetable florets-side-up across your arm. Each should be firm enough to rid your forearm of unwanted hair.
- Cherry: You’ll have to tear through the tasteless, inedible outer layer to test the cherry’s high-protein, peanut-like core. Once you expose the cherry nut, swallow it and rate the pain you feel as it gradually moves down your throat. If it’s less than a seven, it’s too ripe.
- Apple: Smell an apple. Does it smell apple?
- Cantaloupe: Knock on it to determine if it’s hollow. If it is, there’s a gerbil living inside subsisting on the fruit’s ripe core. Hurry up! You’ll have to eat quickly to beat the gerbil.
- Pumpkin: This orange, round gourd shouldn’t deflate easily, so repeatedly stab it with something sharp, such as a hunting knife or the tools doctors use to open their mail.
